Montego Bay

Top Five things to do in Montego Bay:

Five: Do some sort of water cruise/ yacht ride

Four: Check out the Jamaican bob sled (probably a fake)

Three: Beach (Doctors Cave or Cornwall)

Two: Visit old colonial mansion and try to see the white witch

One: Get hair braided

Things I passed on: The casinos (they were lame), doing copious amounts of drugs, partaking in the prostitution that was solicited to me at every corner, and taking taxi cabs to get anywhere (except to/fro hotel)

Average places to stay: resorts are comfy, but pricey.

Montego Bay’s Ratings. On a scale from 1 to Boston: 6.5

Montego Bay has beautiful beaches and weather, bars, drugs, and other illegal/immoral activities.

Montego Bay doesn’t have casinos worth going to do, enough going on to be a city, much history/culture, or any efficiency.

The story: Montego bay was doomed from the outset. I get off the plane, some numb nuts at the front ahead of entire plane of people can’t figure out how to get through the locked doors that even give access to customs. Then, since we all came in a flood, instead of them being able to process people for the 5 minutes we were stuck in the hall, there is a long wait. Then, by pure luck, I pull the worst customs agent I’ve ever had (and let me tell you, that takes quite a feat). This woman was horrid. I mean she did not like me from the get go. She was rude and nasty the entire time, and asked me silly questions. About a minute into the interview, I knew this was going to take a while, so I just started cracking jokes every time she asked me something, which probably did not help. Finally, she decided not to go through with the cavity search, and let me pass. Then I went to my hotel and paid my cabby. Then I explored the “city”. First stop, get those ridiculous braids I had been walking around with from Nassau out of my hair, and get them replaced with ridiculous braids all over my head. Then continue on to the “hip strip” that makes up Montego Bay, which is mostly just Glouster Street (Not DoG streeet). I was a bit disappointed. It looked like a small beach town, with not much going on. The casino’s were pathetic, and there was not many attractions aside from the beach. The beach was the obvious choice - and that did not disappoint. The water was warm, clear, and beautiful; the sand was hot, white, and got everywhere. Then I headed out for dinner, and some more evening sight seeing- old colonial mansion, “the real Jamaican bob sled”, and Margarittevilles. Overall, I wasn’t impressed with Montego Bay, and it may have been my least favorite of the Caribbean cities thus far.